You’re Not Fighting About the Dishes (Even If It Feels That Way)
The Same Fight, On Repeat
You know the one.
Someone makes a comment.
Someone gets defensive.
And before you know it, you’re caught in that familiar loop—the same argument that’s happened a dozen times, just with a different trigger.
Maybe it’s about chores. Or how much time one of you spends on your phone. Or parenting. But at the end of the day, it’s not really about any of those things.
What’s happening beneath the surface is usually something deeper. Something like:
“Do you hear me?”
“Am I too much for you?”
“Can I count on you to be here with me?”
If that resonates, you’re not alone. These recurring conflicts are incredibly common in long-term relationships. But instead of being a sign that your relationship is doomed, they’re actually a sign that something important is trying to get your attention.
What You're Really Fighting About
As a couples therapist in Colorado, I work with people who feel like they’re speaking two different languages in their relationship. No matter how hard they try, they end up stuck in the same cycle.
Here’s what that often looks like:
One partner feels ignored or dismissed, so they push for connection or clarity.
The other feels criticized or overwhelmed, so they shut down or pull away.
Which makes the first partner push harder.
Which makes the other retreat further.
And so the cycle continues.
This can feel like a constant tug-of-war between “Why don’t you talk to me?” and “Why can’t you just give me space?”
But underneath all of this is a longing—for closeness, for safety, for reassurance that the relationship still matters.
In other words, you're not actually fighting about the dishes. You're fighting for connection.
Why It Feels So Hard to Break the Cycle
Even the strongest couples get stuck in patterns they can't see clearly from the inside. That’s not a sign that something is wrong with either of you—it’s just how relationships work over time.
When you’re emotionally activated, it’s hard to slow down and notice what’s really happening. You go into protection mode. And when both people are protecting themselves, nobody feels safe.
Add in past relationship wounds, childhood attachment patterns, daily stress, and responsibilities like work and parenting—and of course it’s hard to find your way back to each other.
This is where couples therapy can make all the difference.
How Couples Therapy Can Help
My approach to online couples therapy in Colorado blends the best of research-backed methods like:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – to help you access the deeper feelings underneath conflict and build secure emotional bonds
The Gottman Method – to identify what’s working and what’s not in your relationship and give you practical tools for repair
PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) – to help you regulate together, build trust, and create a relationship where both people feel safe
Together, we’ll look at:
What’s actually happening in your recurring arguments
What needs are being expressed (or hidden) beneath your reactions
How to communicate in ways that bring you closer, not push you apart
How to repair hurts and build something stronger than before
What You Can Expect to Gain
You don’t have to keep having the same argument on repeat. In therapy, you can expect to:
🔄 Map Your Conflict Cycle
We’ll look at what actually happens in your arguments—and how each of you is trying to protect or reach for something important.
🧠 Understand Your Emotional Triggers
We’ll explore how past experiences may be showing up in the present—and why you react the way you do.
💬 Practice New Ways of Communicating
You’ll learn to express yourself more clearly and vulnerably, while creating space to really hear each other.
❤️ Rebuild Safety and Connection
Once you both feel safer in the relationship, the way you argue—and how you reconnect after—can transform.
But Isn’t Couples Therapy Just for People on the Brink?
Not at all. In fact, the couples I work with are often people who love each other deeply—but feel stuck, misunderstood, or disconnected. Many are professionals, new parents, or long-term partners navigating change or stress.
Couples therapy isn’t just about fixing what’s broken. It’s about strengthening what’s already there, and creating something new—together.
It’s not always easy. It takes work. But it’s worth it.
Therapy That Comes to You — Anywhere in Colorado
I offer telehealth couples therapy to clients all across Colorado, including:
Fort Collins
Loveland
Windsor
Greeley
Longmont
Estes Park
Boulder & Denver
Whether you're in a bustling city or a quieter part of the state, you can access compassionate, effective support without needing to drive across town or find childcare.
You're Not Alone—And Your Relationship Doesn't Have to Stay Stuck
You deserve a relationship where you both feel safe, seen, and connected.
If you’ve been having the same fight over and over—or just feel more like roommates than partners—it might be time to try something different.
I offer free 15-20 minute consultations, where we’ll talk about what’s been going on, what you’re hoping for, and whether I might be a good fit to support you both. Click here to schedule your free consultation.
