“Too Much or Not Enough?”: Perfectionism in Therapy for Therapists
Therapists carry so much. We hold space for others' pain, regulate our own nervous systems, track transference, remember to hydrate, and somehow still question whether we’re doing enough. It’s no surprise that when we finally sit in the client chair ourselves, perfectionism tends to follow us in.
You might find yourself wondering:
Shouldn’t I be further along by now?
Am I wasting this therapist’s time?
Why can’t I just let go and get to the point?
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone—and there’s nothing wrong with you.
Perfectionism in Therapy Isn’t a Character Flaw—It’s a Protector
In IFS (Internal Family Systems), we understand perfectionism as a protective part—often one that developed early to help you feel safe, accepted, or in control. For many therapists, this part is highly skilled: it gets you through graduate school, licensure, client crises, and long days of clinical work. But it also whispers that unless you're doing your own therapy "right," you’re doing it wrong.
And perfectionism doesn’t clock out just because you’re off duty. In fact, it often becomes even louder when you’re the one being seen.
You might analyze your therapist’s facial expressions, interpret pauses as disapproval, or feel pressure to make every minute of your session “productive.” You might censor your emotions—trying not to cry too early, too much, or at all. The irony? Therapy is the place where those fears are supposed to soften, not sharpen.
The “Not Enough”/“Too Much” Trap for Therapists
Perfectionism is tricky because it tells both stories at once: You’re not doing enough. And also… you’re too much.
Not skilled enough. Not wounded enough. Too needy. Too intense. Too slow. Too smart. Not healed enough to deserve help.
This inner tug-of-war can keep you stuck, quiet, or self-critical in session—especially if you’ve internalized the role of the helper as your identity. For many therapists (especially those who identify as women, HSPs, or who grew up in chaotic or emotionally distant homes), this pattern runs deep.
But here’s the thing: your therapy doesn’t have to be tidy or impressive. You don’t need to perform insight or arrive with perfectly packaged parts. You get to be messy here. You get to not know.
Insight Isn’t the Same as Healing
One of the hardest things for therapists in therapy is knowing what’s happening… and still not feeling better.
You might catch a part showing up in real time, name it, and still feel stuck. You might understand why a trigger is happening and still feel like your reaction is “too much.” That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working—it means you're human.
Insight is helpful, but healing often comes through relationship: having a place where your perfectionistic parts don’t have to be in charge. Where the young parts underneath—the ones who worry about being too much or not enough—can be met with compassion instead of correction.
This is especially true in EMDR work, where your brain is reprocessing more than just words. It’s accessing sensory, emotional, and body-based memories that don’t respond to logic. Letting go of performance in therapy means making space for something deeper than just understanding.
Therapy for Therapists Is Allowed to Be Yours
If you’ve been feeling like you’re not doing your own healing “right” because you still struggle, here’s your permission slip: your work as a therapist doesn’t make you immune from needing care. It makes you more human, not less.
You don’t have to have it all figured out to be worthy of support. Your perfectionistic parts are welcome in the room—but they don’t have to run the show.
Ready to Be Seen—Without Performing?
If you’re a therapist who’s tired of performing strength and ready to just be a person in the chair, I’d be honored to hold space for you. I specialize in working with therapists and helping professionals who carry perfectionism, burnout, and unprocessed trauma. Together, we’ll work gently, using EMDR and IFS-informed therapy, to help you reconnect with the parts of you that deserve rest and healing.
